When George Lucas himself wants one of his projects hidden forever, then you know that it’s bad. Everyone has their subjective opinions about what’s the best Star Wars movie or TV show, but everyone can agree that The Star Wars Holiday Special is just pure garbage. The storyline is about Han and Chewbacca trying to get back to Kashyyyk for the Wookiee holiday, Life Day. Along the way, they are pursued by Imperial agents, who are seeking the Rebel alliance on that planet. The plot sounds good on paper, but it wasn’t cohesive on screen. It was constantly interrupted by random musical numbers, heinous dialogue, and an animated segment which could have been its own show.
The Star Wars Holiday Special has become a cult favorite to watch on the holidays. But unlike other cult movies, this isn’t even “so bad it’s good.” It’s just boring and clearly a product of its time.
Here are the 12 most WTF moments of the Star Wars Holiday Special.
12. The Low Budget Opening Credits
The show’s opening credits should already be an indicator of what’s to come: Instead of the bright blue font that is traditionally used, “A Long Ago…:” is written in typewriter script—like it’s on a news show. It feels like I’m watching a 70’s sitcom with how cheesy the character head shots are.
11. Luke’s awful hair and makeup
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Around this time, Mark Hamill got into his car accident, which would leave a scar on his face for the last two movies. Apparently, facial disfigurements are frowned upon and his face is completely covered by foundation. But, because of the horrible lighting, it looks like he got a horrible spray tan. Add in the ridiculous eyeliner and mascara, and you have the looks of a washed up sitcom star.
10. Luke creeping on Malla
Luke is supposed to be the hero we cheer for, so why do the writers make him so damn creepy? When Chewie’s family gets a call from Luke, they inquire about Chewie’s location. Luke is perplexed, stating that Chewie had already left Luke’s station on time and that he should have been home by now. Like any normal wife, Malla is freaking out not knowing where her husband is. In order to calm her down, Luke creepily tells her to smile and that everything will be okay. Because one way to comfort a woman is to tell her her fear is irrational.
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9. Chewie’s Dad Watches Porn
Chewie’s father, Itchy, reminds me of that perverted grandfather who refuses to go to the retirement home. He’s just bums around all day on the couch when Malla is doing all of the housework. He gets a virtual reality video delivered to his door, that’s simply labelled “Wow!.” The hologram is Diahann Carroll, who proceeds to seduce Itchy with her (very long) song. The pleasure on Itchy’s face clearly indicates that he’s doing something else while watching Ms. Carroll sing. Does he not know that Chewie’s wife is just a few feet away in the kitchen?
8. Jefferson Starship’s Musical Number
To continue the unnecessary musical numbers, the Holiday Special also included a song from Jefferson Starship (because every band that has a space-like name is relevant in this universe). Chewie’s family is captured by Imperial soldiers, Art Carney tries to distract them by showing a Jefferson Starship music video. With purple neon lights illuminating the screen, the band played for an aggravating five minutes. It was entirely too long and completely took away from the story (not that was much there to begin with).
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7. Bea Arthur walks into a bar…
Ironically, the best part of the Holiday special is the Golden Girl herself, Bea Arthur. Set in the famous Mos Eisley Cantina, we get to witness Bea Arthur passive aggressively take down a creepy suitor (who doesn’t take no for answer, anyway). In a separate segment, she breaks out into song and serenades to a giant rat about finishing up their drink so they can get out. It wasn’t the worst song in the show, but it went on for far too long. Not exactly a kid-friendly moment, but it was nice to at least see the Mos Eisley again.
6. Harvey Corman drinking out of his head
In the Mos Eisley segment, Bea Arthur is being courted by a creepy suitor who won’t take no for answer. He tries to give her flowers, grab her from behind, and persuade her with his “romantic” confessions. Even though he looks just like a human, he pours his drink in a hole on his head, indicating that he is actually an alien. It’s never explained why he has to drink through a hole in his head instead of his mouth, but you spend more time being disgusted than actually caring.
5. Life Day Celebration
This whole Holiday special was centered around the Wookiees’ national holiday called “Life Day.” They never give us any details about the holiday is actually about, but it’s safe to assume it’s their version of Christmas. For 80 minutes, this special day is built up and in the end, it just looks like a creepy cult meeting. Now, the Wookiee race and their home, Kashyyyk, were always a mysterious sort because we only had Chewie to look at. At the end of the special, they’re holding some sort of orb and float up to the stars. Then, they all walk towards a planet as if they are sacrificing themselves. If you’re going to show this strange holiday taking place, at least tell the audience what is happening.
4. The Animated Segment
The only segment that seems to have passion instilled, the animated segment features Luke and Leia (drawn like Beavis and Butthead cartoons) trying to find the Millenium Falcon after receiving a mysterious message from Han. There’s a mysterious sleeping virus and Boba Fett’s first ever introduction. If there’s any reason for this show to exist in canon, it’s to insure that Boba Fett stays in the universe.
3. The Cooking Show
With the big celebration coming up, Malla wants to make sure that she cooks the perfect dinner for her family. She turns on a cooking show where Korman (dressed in drag AND blackface) is demonstrating how to cook Bantha soup. This isn’t simply a quick look at Wookiee’s taste of television programming; we are literally watching the whole meal being made. And along with that, Korman sings an obnoxious sing called “Whip, Beat, Stir!” to make cooking even more entertaining! It quickly turned into one of those creepy children’s shows.
2. The Circus Hologram
In the first ten minutes of the special, we already sense CBS’s stalling. When introducing Chewie’s family, his son, Lumpy, goes to enjoy a holographic show. At first, the audience thinks that this is an allusion to Chewbacca’s chess set, but it’s only a boring circus performance. We see (human) acrobats doing flips and dances accompanied by traditional circus music. The show doesn’t have any Star Wars elements to it and feels like the Cirque de Soleil channel than anything else. It may have been fun for little kids to look at, but it took away precious runtime. The acrobatics should have been the clue that this special was going to be horrible.
1. Leia Singing the Star Wars Theme
Carrie Fisher loves to talk about how high she was when making the Holiday special. Taking that into account, it’s hilarious to watch Leia sing a song commemorating Life Day (played to the tune of the Star wars theme). This is the shortest of the musical numbers and features Hamill and Harrison Ford’s hilariously disinterested faces. Even though the song itself is cringe inducing, it signifies the end of this horrible garbage fire.
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