TV Review: The Royals (1×05) “Unmask Her Beauty to the Moon”

THE SITUATION: THE ROYAL MASQUERADE

The annual Royal Masquerade brings some revelations for Liam’s, Eleanor’s, and Helena’s romances.

The Queen’s Secret

It’s “Spa Day” for Queen Helena, the day Lucius takes a Helena lookalike to the spa while the actual queen meets Alistair (Captain Lacey) for a clandestine date. After a grand entrance at the Masquerade, she steals away with him again to the secret passage. Her rule for the night: don’t discuss the monarchy.

During their romantic picnic, Helena kindly infodumps their backstory for us: Helena and Alistair were childhood (teenage?) sweethearts. Her father definitely wouldn’t have approved, and when they fell on hard times, her mother pushed her towards marrying Simon for the title. The two are still in love, and if Simon moves to abolish the monarchy Alistair will support it so they can be together.

Power Struggles in the Land of Jasper and Eleanor

When Jasper questions why he has to be at the Masquerade, Eleanor pulls the princess card: “You’re my bodyguard. You need to be where I say you need to be. Besides, I wanted to see you in a tuxedo.” After Eleanor demands a dance and a hook up in the secret passage, Jasper calls Eleanor out—if their relationship is totally based on blackmail and sex slavery, then she can end it by announcing the situation to the Masquerade. Eleanor chickens out.

“This isn’t about the video. It hasn’t been about the video in a long time. Which is good, because there is no video,” Jasper reveals on the balcony. “You got drunk and threatened to fire me so I lied…I don’t need a video, though, do I? You like this, you like being controlled, you like me. So I’ll do whatever I want to you, whenever I want.” He commands her to go to her room and strip down. I’m happy to report that Eleanor leaves another girl in her bed as a surprise, deviously giving Jasper the slip as she leaves for Monaco.

Angst for the Good Ship Liam/Ophelia

“Maybe you’re using me, maybe you’re not. Either way, I get tonight with you. Eventually, I’ll wear you down. It’s a long con,” Nick says, explaining his willingness to attend the Masquerade with Ophelia after last week’s events. Ophelia can’t believe how normal and nice he is, which pretty much seals the deal on her dumping him for Liam.

Liam and Nick get along famously, which enrages Ophelia and sparks a jealous fight between her and Liam. After that, Gemma loses her patience with Liam. “Let’s say that the two of you end up together. Your mother hates her. The press will eat her alive. They will make your life a living hell. And then what will you be left with?” Gemma asks. Liam claims happiness, Gemma claims naiveté. Ophelia complains to Nick about Liam not fighting for her, which seems like a mistake to me. Nick leaves, sending Ophelia off with well wishes.

Liam takes his moment, inviting Ophelia to Monaco with them for the weekend. “I’m not inviting Nick. He’s a nice guy and I like him, but he came with the wrong girl. I know you don’t think you belong in my world, but I don’t like my world without you in it.” The episode closes with Ophelia running to meet up with Liam to leave for Monaco.

Cyrus Is The Worst and I’m Tired of Seeing His Face On This Show

Cyrus has been tasked with winning the House of Lords over to the side of the monarchy in case Simon moves forward with his referendum idea. He plies them with expensive liquor, prostitutes, and drugs, setting his own sights on Prudence. “If the monarchy goes down, we all go down with it. Luckily for you, the only thing going down tonight is your servers,” Cyrus announces to his guests. My, what a charming remark.

Prudence tries to poison him, but Cyrus sees her attempts on the security tape. “I might be willing to overlook this indiscretion if you do me a favor,” Cyrus says, requesting that Prudence find out where the King goes when he leaves on walks. Prudence moves to leave, but Cyrus calls her back. “Don’t worry. I’ll be slightly more gentle than they would be in prison.” The worst.

ON THE UP SIDE:

• The Royal Masquerade
  Like most good episodes of Gossip Girl, The Royals definitely benefits from fancy party settings.
• Eleanor + Ophelia, BFFs 4-Ever
  Brief as it was, I loved the opening scene between Eleanor and Ophelia—selecting dresses kept it light, but Eleanor still called Ophelia out on her love triangle.
• Liam, Asher, and Gemma Take A Shot Called the Flaming Lamborghini
  No explanation needed.

HOWEVER…

• Sexual Coercion
  Is disgusting and I’m sick of seeing it on this show. Campaign to boot Cyrus out of the castle and cast starts NOW.
• Jasper’s Continual Bastardry
  At first I wasn’t sure about my feelings on the morally grey relationship between Jasper and Eleanor, but his recent behavior has really solidified its spot in the NO column for me.

Nothing like a good Masquerade Ball to bring some drama and revelations, am I right? This episode reminded me why I had compared it to Gossip Girl after I saw the first episode. Next week’s destination episode should be equally filled with delicious drama and scandal, methinks.