Jump back to four days before the election: Cory’s teaching his history class about democracy while Farkle expounds the virtues of the dictatorship. Anything educational happening is interrupted by Lucas’s return—he’s tardy due to his late flight coming back from Texas. Maya starts mocking him, singing about a cowboy getting the blues. Lucas’s ensuing harmonica accompaniment makes Maya realize that she’s never going to get to him.
It’s time for student council president elections! “I FARKLE nominate I FARKLE for dictator!” Farkle yells. No one can nominate themselves, but those nominated can run as any kind of leader they want. Lucas nominates Farkle for dictator, Riley nominates Lucas for president, and Maya decides that she’s definitely nominating Riley for something—this is their opportunity to take a stand for strong women everywhere! I knew I liked Maya. “I want to be a princess!” Riley declares, explaining that her window is closing for this sort of thing. I’m very pleased that Maya didn’t say that princesses aren’t strong women, instead agreeing to help Riley become a princess.
Auggie refuses to sleep and it’s wearing on Topanga. She puts Cory in charge, who lets Auggie stay up with him to finish the baseball game—it’s the ninth inning, so they expect to go to sleep shortly. Unfortunately, nine innings turns into twenty-six, and Auggie is falling asleep in his cereal the next morning. Topanga realizes that she needs to be the one to put Auggie to sleep, and Cory celebrates his victory in getting out of that responsibility. Hey Cory, what a shitty thing to do! This brings to mind the Boy Meets World episodes where Alan lets Cory stay up to watch baseball and the one where high school Topanga freaked out about what Cory would let their children do. Double throwback!
Three days before the election: no one is interested in becoming a part of Farkle Nation (every time I hear this I want to watch Donnie Darko, because I’m questioning everyone’s commitment to Sparkle Nation), but he has a backup plan. “Who wants to be part of the new Farkle Nation for a FREE T-shirt!” he shouts. Kids are easily bought if all it takes is a free T-shirt to commit yourself to a dictator. I’m disappointed in this fictional student body. Meanwhile, Riley’s giving her speech to a room of empty chairs. “He’s got him an army—I need a kingdom. I’m not princess enough yet.” Riley declares.
Maya’s solution? To get Riley a “unicorn.” How they were able to get that white horse into the Matthews’ admittedly huge New York City apartment? Topanga doesn’t even flinch when she comes into contact with Maya’s gift, instead addressing the steed as Cory. She hands Riley a princess hat. “I wanted you to have my princess hat from when I rallied against gender stereotypes. I was going to light it on fire, but it’s too pretty,” she says with a dazed smile.
Back at school, the student council campaigns are getting dirty. Farkle starts a Riley smear campaign about animal rights. Maya counters with accusing Farkle of spying on the whole class. Lucas requests that Maya and Riley not go after Farkle, turning Maya’s attention toward him instead. Riley isn’t on board and wants Maya to refrain from sharing her findings.
Lucas is arguing with his father on the phone, upset that he can’t go back to Texas that weekend to see his friends. Dude, what do your parents do that allows you to fly to Texas just about every weekend to see your friends? He claims that he doesn’t care about being a part of his New York school, giving Maya the perfect thing to use against him. Lucas is frustrated but resigned, knowing full well what Maya’s intentions are.
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Cory is about to announce the winner of the election when Riley and Maya come in announcing a new campaign commercial. Rather than footage of Lucas’s anti-New York rant, it’s a video of his friends from Texas endorsing him for president and the girls as friends. Lucas wins the election and names New York his home. He names Farkle Vice President, Maya Secretary of State, and Riley Princess. Oh, also, he names Riley princess on top of the white horse. HOW DO THEY KEEP MOVING THAT HORSE?
Auggie is not sleeping because he wants both parents to tuck him in. His parents explain that both of them work, so they can’t always both be there, but one of them will always be. Wait, I don’t think you should make that promise to your child. Also, I don’t know if he totally got that. Whatever!
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