“Once upon a time a new set of boys moved into my apartment complex and I did my best to avoid them, learning early on that any sort of communication with them would end up with trouble for my roommates and I. I did a good job of it for a month or so before one of my roommates decided to invite them out to join us at a club one night. I ended up hooking up with by far the weirdest one in the bunch, for some reason way beyond me, and had every single intention of ignoring him for the rest of my life…only problem was, he didn’t feel the same. I spent a whole two weeks pretending to be into him, partially because he cooked but mostly because he was my neighbor and I was too freaked to let him know he was creepy and repulsive. That all changed when he told me he was moving back to Missouri at the end of the year and asked if I’d come with him. Eventually, I ended up writing him this tacky letter about how I had goals and dreams and I was not at all interested in joining him on the farm so that he could crop while I raised his devil-headed kids. Lesson learned: don’t hook up with the ginger next door.”
-Black Mamba Next Door
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