“Being a young adult writer means it’s my job to let my characters get in trouble. However, Teenagerdom is a time of experimentation and learning from mistakes, so if I’m writing authentically about it, there will likely be a bunch of mess-ups. For Charlotte, in Being Friends With Boys, it means getting entangled with a couple of dysfunctional college girls. Becca in After the Kiss lets her romance replace all of her friendships, and in Criminal, the main character Nikki gets so in deep with her boyfriend that she helps him commit (and cover up) a murder.
But the trouble in In Deep feels different than all these, because this time the main character knows better. Even from scene one, Brynn understands that challenging her friend Grier to a dare will mean she’ll have to do something equally painful. She knows getting competitive with Grier over their new hot teammate Gavin is immature, and that making out with him (behind her own boyfriend’s back) is definitely out of bounds. She knows staying up late and partying could badly affect her swimming performance, and that lying to her parents is wrong, but she does it all anyway.
When Brynn decides the solution to her exhaustion may be hidden in her mother’s medicine cabinet, even I winced and thought, “Brynn, are you crazy?”
Maybe I was merely living vicariously: putting Brynn in edgy and dangerous situations I’d be far too chicken to try in real life. But if I’m honest, I’ve had those ‘Are you crazy?’ moments, myself. Maybe not with bad boys and broken curfews, but definitely with thankless jobs and cripplingly high expectations. Or professional jealousy and too much internet procrastination. Excessive ice cream? Check. Buying shoes I can’t really afford? Guilty. While I haven’t done the nutso things Brynn does, there are definitely times when I’ve had to stop and think, ‘What am I doing? This isn’t good for me.’
So for me, In Deep isn’t just a cautionary tale about wild behavior, but about what can happen when you stop listening to your true self, or the people who love you. When you shut others out and buy into your own bad head trip, indulging your worst characteristics for the sake of pride, or greed, or any other Deadly Sin. We all know when we’re operating against our own best interests. Deep down—whatever harm we’re doing, large or small—just like Brynn, we know better. Thanks to writing her story, I hope I’m getting better at catching myself at it.
-Terra Elan McVoy
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