TV Recap: Game of Thrones 3×01 – “Valar Dohaeris”

“All Men Must Serve” is the translation from the High Valyrian for the title of this episode. It’s very fitting too since every major character has some obligation or duty they have to take care of. The first is Samwell Tarly, who we find exactly where we left him, in a blizzard running from the White Walkers.

[Side Bar: Can we just take a moment to acknowledge that there are now basically zombies in Game of Thrones? Just when you thought the Walking Dead was over, another show starts up with the zombies you have come to know and love.]

Ok, back to Sam. He’s about to get cut down by a reanimated wildling when he is saved by Ghost and Commander Mormont, with the little bit of what’s left of the Night’s Watch with him. I guess Sam’s break is over. Time to get back to work.

Speaking of sexy redheads… we join Jon Snow as Ygritte leads him to the camp of the wilding and Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall. After confusing Tormund Giantsbane for Mance, Jon Snow is then asked a series of questions to see whether he is lying or not. He passes, but barely. He has sworn to serve Mance now.

Back in King’s Landing, we join our favorite Lannister, Tyrion, who has been downgraded in housing and title. He gets a visit from his gloating sister, Cersei, who was obviously behind the plot to have Tyrion killed. I don’t think she’s done trying just yet. The bonding moments between the Lannisters are always so special. How much they really love each other is obvious. Take for instance the father-son moment between Tyrion and Tywin. Tyrion, being the eldest son since Jaime can’t take on a wife or any titles as the head of the king’s guard, demands he get Casterly Rock. Tywin, disgusted by the notion, all but laughs at Tyrion and tells him to stop kidding himself. Oh, and to keep his whores out of the castle or he’ll have them killed. The relationship isn’t at all in ruins.

Ruins are where we find Robb Stark with his mom and his army. Harrenhal to be exact, where Gregor Clegane is supposed to be holding hostages. Robb is looking for a fight, but instead finds a slaughter. Clegane and the Lannister soldiers are gone, but they left the corpses. Among them, there appears to by one man still alive; a maester name Qyburn. Him being the sole survivor is not at all suspicious.

On an island in the middle of nowhere, we find Davos is still alive, although his face is so sun damaged that he looks like one of the zombies the White Walkers bring back. When he finally gets picked up by a passing ship, Davos looks like he just came out of a scene from the movie Castaway. He meets up with his buddy Salladhor Saan, who tells him that Melisandre is burning up traitors and anyone who disagrees with her. Davos promises to try and kill her, although personally I wouldn’t mess with a woman who can give birth to fully grown, homicidal shadows. After meeting up with Stannis and Melisandre, Davos has the enlightened idea to try to turn Stannis against his priestess, but she too has a similar idea. Melisandre basically says, “Come at me, bro,” and Davos pulls out a knife before getting dragged away by guards. Melisandre’s expression says it all. “You mad, bro?”

Sansa Stark is still at King’s Landing for the moment, but Littlefinger has mentioned something about helping her escape and that she needs to be prepared to leave at any moment. I always thought Sansa would look better in a brothel, but it seems like Littlefinger has bigger plans for her. At least she doesn’t have to marry King Joffrey, but how does his new wife to be, Margaery Tyrell, keep up such a happy façade? Unless she’s into ruthless, merciless tyrants with superiority complexes. Is there a better guy to bring home to mom? I’m sure even Cersei wouldn’t wish her son on her worst enemy, but seems, which probably explains her distaste towards Margaery. After all, Margaery is everything she couldn’t be (or appear to be). Margaery helps out poor orphans, is kind to everyone, and wears half the amount of clothes than anybody in entire show. That’s probably why Joffrey likes her.

We can’t forget about our other kind-hearted queen on the other side of the world, Daenerys. She’s on her way to Astapor to buy some soldiers at Slaver’s Bay with what’s left of her Dothraki’s and her growing dragons. The guy selling her the soldiers explains the gruesome procedures each soldier has to go through before they can be called true Unsullied. This includes, but is not limited to, killing babies, getting their privates cut off, killing each other for sport, and possibly kicking puppies. Anyway, Daenerys has a day to decide whether she wants them or not, but she forgets all about that when a ball throwing warlock in the skin of a child tries to kill her with a weird, scorpion-like creature. To the rescue comes an old man in a cloak. You don’t recognize him at first because when we last saw him, he was getting his gold cloak removed in King’s Landing. Welcome back, Barristan Selmy.

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