[tps_header]
A subjective history of the Album of the Year Grammy, in reverse.
By Ryan Maffei
[/tps_header]
[tps_title]2015 -2000[/tps_title]
2015 — Beck beats Beyoncé (absolutely ridiculous), Pharrell (probably somewhat ridiculous), Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran (well).
Verdict: RIDICULOUS
Advertisement
2014 — Daft Punk beats Kendrick (ridiculous), Red (ridiculous), Macklemore (arguably ridiculous) and Sara Bareilles (probably not ridiculous but closer than you think)
Verdict: SEMI-RIDICULOUS
2013 — Mumford and Sums beats Black Keys (who gives a f*ck), fun. (yay!), Jack White (meh) and Frank Ocean (album was a touch airy but hold on a second son)
Verdict: RIDICULOUS AT NOMINATION STAGE
Advertisement
2012 — Adele beats Foo Fighters (good for her), Lady Gaga (her weakest so eh), Bruno Mars (they’re kind of in the same league) and Rihanna (possibly ridiculous)
Verdict: INOFFENSIVE
2011 — Arcade Fire beats Eminem (why not), Lady Antebellum (fair enough), Teenage Dream (against which they win the substance but not pizazz battle) and Fame Monster (now wait just a minute)
Verdict: NOMS RACIST, WIN (<— pun) SUBTLY SEXIST BUT NOT NECESSARILY RIDICULOUS
Advertisement
2010 — T-Swift beats Sasha Fierce (fair), Black Eyed Peas (maybe?), Gaga #1 (maybe) and the GrooGrux King (thank God)
Verdict: TRACE ANTI-POP/ANTI-BLACK BUT OTHERWISE ACCEPTABLE
2009 — Plant/Krauss beats Coldplay (heh), Ne-Yo (bah), Radiohead (double heh), and Lil Wayne (f*ck you)
Verdict: DAD-FOLK
2008 — Hancock beats Foo Fighters (duh), four-disc Vince Gill (uh), Back to Black (wuh?), Graduation (guh)
Verdict: SAFE AS HOUSES
2007 — Dixie Chicks beats Gnarls Barkley (that’s okay), John Mayer (that’s well beyond okay), Red Hot Chili Peppers (that’s the okayest yet), FutureSex/LoveSounds (Justin himself would probably concede okayness)
Verdict: ULTRAMEGA OK
2006 — U2 beats Mariah (I dunno, man), McCartney (in a rare decent showing), Gwen Stefani (I can’t imagine “Vertigo” being better than “Hollaback” but have heard neither in a decade) and Late goddamn Registration
Verdict: ONE DAY BONO WILL BE THE FIRST (ACTUALLY) IRISH PRESIDENT OF NARAS
2005 — Genius Loves Company beats American Idiot (good), Alicia Keys (well…), Usher (I mean…) and College Dropout (okay, come the f*ck on)
Verdict: PROBABLY OLD WHITE MEN
2004 — OutKast (!) beats Under Construction (close!), Evanescence (the opposite of close), Justified (pretty close) and Elephant (Jack White ca. respectability)
Verdict: GIMMICK + “HEY YA” = FLUKE SEMI-JUSTICE
2003 — Norah Jones in the throes of her moment beats Dixie Chicks (better), Eminem (better), Nelly (probably better), Bruce (in this case better!)
Verdict: SYMBOLICALLY DISGUSTING IN THIS PARTICULAR BUSH YEAR BUT HEY, WHO DOESN’T LIKE “DON’T KNOW WHY” (A: AS MANY PEOPLE THAT CAN’T NAME ANOTHER SONG ON THE RECORD)
2002 — T-Bone and company beat India.Arie (okay), renaissance Dylan (a record that satisfied the things the voters liked in O Brother better), Stankonia (come the f*ck on) and an actual great U2 album
Verdict: THE ALPHA BAND WAS REALLY GOOD
2001 — in an upset that jibes thematically with their career-long disposition Steely Dan beat Eminem, also good Radiohead, good Beck and marginally less good Paul Simon
Verdict: AMUSING
2000 — “Smooth” album beats “I Want it That Way” album (bullshit), “Goodbye Earl” album (bullshit), “Scrubs” album (bullshit) and whatever the hell was the hit on that bullshit Diana Krall album
Verdict: A DEPRESSING TIME
[tps_title]1999 – 1990[/tps_title]
1999 — Lauryn Hill’s awesome all-time masterpiece beats decent disco Madonna, coffeehouse Sheryl Crow, excellent alternative-rock and commendable crossover country
Verdict: MOST SATISFYING CHOICE EVER SPOILED BY BLATANT SYMBOLIC PANDERING (OR, REMEMBER WHEN HALLE BERRY AND DENZEL WASHINGTON WON?)
1998 — Actual Bob Dylan comeback beats Babyface, Paula Cole, McCartney and OK Radiohead
Verdict: WHEE-OOH
1997 — Celine f*cking Dion beats Odelay, The Score, Despite All My Rage and the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack
Verdict: EVEN BILLY CORGAN WAS ROBBED
1996 — Alanis in the throes of her moment beats solid Mariah, interesting Michael, above-par Pearl Jam and a Joan Osborne record with at least one really terrific song on it
Verdict: UNUSUALLY SALIENT
1995 — Tony Bennett’s MTV Unplugged record beats Three Tenors in Concert, an Eric Clapton album, a late Bonnie Raitt album that isn’t Nick of Time or the one after, and Seal by Seal
Verdict: WHY DID THEY EVEN HOLD THIS CEREMONY
1994 – The Bodyguard soundtrack beats Kamakiriad (!), River of Dreams, Automatic for the People and Sting’s most well-regarded solo album unless you like the Blue Turtles one
Verdict: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU, MAN
1993 — Clapton’s tragedy-capitalization deal beats k.d. lang, Annie Lennox, a really swell U2 record and the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack
Verdict: I REALLY HOPE ANGELA LANSBURY GAVE HIM SHIT THE ENTIRE AFTERPARTY
1992 — Natalie Cole’s fondly creepy dad capitalization deal beats Amy Grant (boof), Bonnie Raitt (nahh), Paul Simon (shub) and a really f*cking incredible R.E.M. album
Verdict: WRONG, BUT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT
1991 — Quincy’s delightful “street” effort beats Mariah #1, Collins gettin’ serious, MC Hammer threatening to hurt ’em to nobody’s concern and Wilson Phillips by Wilson Phillips
Verdict: THIS IS WHY NIRVANA HAPPENED
1990 — Bonnie’s comeback beats Don’s comeback, Tom’s comeback, Tom + veterans’ comeback and the Fine Young Cannibals
Verdict: AMBIGUOUSLY BOTHERSOME
[tps_title]1989-1980[/tps_title]
1989 — George Michael beats Tracy Chapman, Sting, Bobby McFerrin, Steve Winwood
Verdict: GOOD
1988: Joshua Tree beats Whitney #2, Bad, Trio and Sign o’ the Times
Verdict: READ THAT LAST ONE AGAIN
1987: in a decision that’s really only politically debatable, Graceland beats So, Control, The Broadway Album and something called Back in the High Life
Verdict: SO WHO WAS STEVIE WINWOOD SLEEPING WITH (AND DISAPPOINTING)?
1986: Annoying radio-land parasite No Jacket Required beats less annoying radio-land parasite Brothers in Arms, less annoying radio-land parasite Whitney Houston, less annoying radio-land parasite Sting and generally annoying but considerably less pointless “We Are the World.”
Verdict: PHIL COLLINS IS MORE LIKABLE THAN ALL OF THESE THINGS
1985: Lionel Richie beats Cyndi Lauper (OK wait a minute), Purple Rain (OK WAIT a minute), Born in the U.S.A. (really?!) and Private Dancer (even this is something of an outrage)
Verdict: BLAME REAGAN
1984: Thriller, the biggest album in the universe, beats Let’s Dance, An Innocent Man, Synchronicity and the Flashdance soundtrack
Verdict: NOTHING TO SEE HERE
1983: Toto IV (!) beats (!!) the most tolerable Paul McCartney album in years, the most substantial Billy Joel album perhaps ever, the sweetest Steely Dan gesture in the history of their genius and the John Mellencamp album with both “Jack and Diane” and “Hurts So Good.”
Verdict: SATIRE
1982: Double Fantasy (yay!) beats the Kim Carnes record I presume has “Bette Davis Eyes” on it, an Al Jarreau thing, a Quincy Jones thing called The Dude and Steely Dan’s least engaged album
Verdict: SO I GUESS THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO THANK MARK DAVID CHAPMAN FOR IS AL JARREAU NOT WINNING
1981: Christopher Cross.
Verdict: CHRISTOPHER CROSS
1980: Billy Joel’s très congenial 52nd Street beats out a Doobie Brothers album, the Kenny Rogers album with “The Gambler” on it, the Supertramp album with all your favorites on it and, um, Bad Girls.
Verdict: WRONG, BUT STILL — “STILETTO”!
[tps_title]1979-1970[/tps_title]
1979: Saturday Night Fever predictably trounces something called Even Now by Barry Manilow, a very good Jackson Browne album, little cousin Grease and Some Girls.
Verdict: FORGIVABLY BEMUSING
1978: Rumours beats Aja, Hotel California, (heh) JT and (heh-heh) The Star Wars Soundtrack.
Verdict: PINK FLAG
1977: Songs in the Key of Life beats the likable Silk Degrees, the less likable Breezin’, the much less likable Frampton Comes Alive and the disgusting Chicago album with the chocolate bar cover.
Verdict: I DON’T THINK I NEED TO TELL YOU
1976: Still Crazy After All These Years beats out Janis Ian, running-low-on-steam Elton John, Heart Like a Wheel and One of These Nights.
Verdict: THE ONLY TIME THE PHRASE “LINDA RONSTADT WAS ROBBED” IS APPLICABLE TO ANYTHING
1975: Steve Wonder’s second-weakest great album beats out Court and Spark (absolutely not cool), Caribou (just as good, really), Band on the Run (I mean, backpat for effort), and John Denver (well)
Verdict: BEATS WATERGATE, NOT TO MENTION “SEASONS IN THE SUN”
1974: Innervisions beats Charlie Rich, Rhymin’ Simon, Roberta Flack in the throes of her moment and the Divine Miss M
Verdict: JUSTICE, THOUGH THEY COULD’VE INCLUDED MORE COMPETITION THAN JUST BETTE MIDLER
1973: The Concert for Bangla Desh beats out American Pie, Jesus Christ Superstar OBC, Nilsson Schmilsson (ooh!) and something called Moods by Neil Diamond
Verdict: GOOD INTENTIONS BUT FYI THIS WAS THE YEAR EXILE ON MAIN STREET CAME OUT
1972: Tapestry beats out All Things Must Pass, The Carpenters, the /London/ production of Jesus Christ Superstar (jesus christ) and Shaft by Isaac Hayes
Verdict: NO ARGUMENT HERE
1971: Bridge Over Troubled Water beats out the Carpenters, Déjà vu, Elton John, Sweet Baby James
Verdict: SOFT-ROCK WARS — BEATS VIETNAM I GUESS
1970: Blood, Sweat and Tears in the throes of their moment beat Abbey Road (I’m actually perversely okay with this one, but it’s wrong), the 5th Dimension in the throes of /their/ moment (this is also wrong), the first Crosby Stills and Nash record (even /this/ is wrong) and At San Quentin (etc.)
Verdict: THESE THINGS HAPPEN
[tps_title]1969-1959[/tps_title]
1969: In the year f*cking Electric Ladyland came out By the Time I Get to Phoenix, The Album beats Bookends, Feliciano!, the lesser of two eligible Beatles LPs and Richard Harris’ immortal A Tramp Shining
Verdict: WHITE LIGHT/WHITE HEAT
1968: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band! The Grammies finally throw a bone to “rock and roll” (sort of) to the chagrin of Sinatro/Jobim, Vikki Carr, Ed Ames and Bobbie Gentry
Verdict: THE GRAMMIES ARE RIDICULOUS
1967: some weepy Frank Sinatra double record beats out Color Me Barbra, the Dr. Zhivago Soundtrack, What Now My Love by Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass and, hey, Revolver
Verdict: AT LEAST HIS TRIPLE ALBUM LOST
1966: Frank Sinatra’s shit-I’m-getting-old record beats out Help! (the annoying half-orchestral version), My Name is Barbra (is it, now), My World by Eddy Arnold and the Sound of Music Soundtrack
Verdict: PRETTY MUCH ABOUT AS JUST AS INNERVISIONS
1965: Getz/Gilberto beats out, um, Cotton Candy by Al Hirt, the OBC of Funny Girl, /another/ damn Barbra Streisand album and Henry Mancini’s irresistible Pink Panther soundtrack
Verdict: GO PUT ON ANYTHING BY THE BEATLES OR MOTOWN AND THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS FOR WHEN YOU WERE BORN
1964: The Barbra Streisand Album (finally, she takes it! oh wait) beats out, just get this one: 1) Honey in the Horn by Al Hirt, 2) Days of Wine and Roses and Other TV Requests by Andy Williams, 3) something called Bach’s Greatest Hits by something called The Swingle Singers and 4) The Singing Nun by — well
Verdict: GOOD FOR F*CKING BARBRA
1963: Vaughn Meader in the throes of his moment beats out solid Tony Bennett, okay Getz/Byrd, Allan Sherman in the throes of his moment and, um, Modern Sounds in Country & Western Music
Verdict: THIS SORT OF THING IS WHY PUNK ROCK HAD TO HAPPEN
1962: the classic Judy at Carnegie Hall beats out Genius + Soul = Jazz, Great Band with Great Voices by Si Zentner & the Johnny Mann Singers (I don’t actually believe this record existed), the Nat King Cole Story and the West Side Story soundtrack
Verdict: IN TASTEFUL TIMES, PROBABLY THE MOST ROCK ‘N’ ROLL ALBUM TOOK IT
1961: Bob Newhart beats out Belafonte Returns to Carnegie Hall (that’s OK), Brahms by Richter (that’s OK too), Nice ‘n’ Easy by Frank (that’s also OK), Turandot by Leinsdorf (fine, fine) and Wild is Love by Nat King Cole
Verdict: SEE ABOVE
1960: Come Dance With Me! ekes out a victory over only serious competition Belafonte at Carnegie 1
Verdict: SORRY VAN CLIBURN
1959: The Music From Peter Gunn sets a precedent for 57 years of frustration
Verdict: IF ELLA FITZGERALD HAD TAKEN IT THINGS MIGHT BE DIFFERENT.
[tps_footer]Ryan Maffei is a self-styled critic and musician. He is the founder of Jamrag Records and writes wherever the internet will have him. He can be reached at randrewmaffei@gmail.com [/tps_footer]
Advertisement