78 Thoughts I Had While Revisiting A Walk to Remember (2002)

Hello everyone, and welcome to another film anniversary! Today we’ll be talking about A Walk to Remember, volume two in Nicholas Sparks’s ever-growing White People Almost Kissing film collection. Okay, okay, they’re really nuzzling on this cover, but I’m not here to split hairs. I’m just kidding, that’s exactly why I’m here.

Here is a list of thoughts I had while revisiting this movie, along with some colorful commentary by my sister, a reformed A Walk to Remember fan.

1. To begin, who remembers that the first full sentence in this love story is, “Yo, I gotta take a massive piss.”? ME NEITHER! Good, we’re on the same page already.
2. When Landon (Shane West) rolls up to his friends in his (admittedly beautiful) car, he’s blasting “So What Does It All Mean” by West, Gould, and Fitzgerald, AKA Average Joe AKA Johnny Was, Shane West’s now defunct band.
3. I’d lightly mock the self indulgence of having his music played over his character’s introduction, but I actually enjoy the song, so who am I to talk?
4. In fact, go listen to the whole song.
5. Thanks to this experience, I now know that “So What Does It All Mean,” AKA the only song on the soundtrack that I’d actively seek out, is the only soundtrack song not available on Spotify.
6. WOMP.
7. Landon is wearing one of those shearling-lined denim jackets made popular by the likes of Lorelai Gilmore, Rory Gilmore, and Jess Mariano on Gilmore Girls. I don’t necessarily agree with this particular fashion choice for him.

   

8. So the bad kids’ big hazing ritual is to make the new kid jump into the town reservoir from this giant metal structure. To do this, Landon and Clay strip off their pants, but keep their shirts on. It’s a curious choice.
9. When Clay gets hurt falling into the reservoir, all these idiots yell at Landon to do something, even though he’s still up on that metal structure and they’re a lot closer to him.
10. When Landon’s mother thinks she needs to call his father about the recent trouble he’s been in, he just tells her no. You are not the parent, my friend.
11. The church scene introduces us to Jamie Sullivan (Mandy Moore), and gives us Mandy Moore Song Alert #1. Note: this will not be the last.
12. “Damn that Jamie Sullivan sure has style,” one of Landon’s shitty friends says, a line that was often repeated in the commercials for this movie. These people need insult lessons from Queen Cordelia Chase.
13. Landon’s friend Eric has his own helpful commentary on Jamie Sullivan: “It’s the quiet ones you gotta watch out for–she might put it on a brother like a pop tart.” I’ll let that speak for itself.
14. Part of Landon’s punishment is that he has to be a part of the Drama Club’s latest play, which must mean they’re desperate for more dudes.
15. When Dean asks, “If there is a higher power, why can’t he get you a new sweater?” Jamie responds, “He can’t, he’s too busy looking for your brain.” Credit where credit is due for the sass.
16. On the bus after a tutoring session, Jamie sits directly next to Landon to ask him if he wants to buy raffle tickets and hear about Clay’s current prognosis. Landon gives her the brush-off. I think we’re supposed to be on Jamie’s side, but interrupting someone wearing headphones on a public bus is unforgivable, especially if you’re trying to sell them a raffle ticket.
17. Say it with me: overalls like that should not be a thing.
18. Eric suggests that the Drama Club put on West Side Story so they can get that “big booty looking girl from Selena” to play Maria. Why are they pretending like we wouldn’t know J. Lo’s name by the year 2002? That’s like…the prime of J. Lo’s music career right there.
19. During the play’s first read-through, the drama teacher asks Landon if he’s being bad on purpose. Listen, this is what you get for forcing someone to be in a play they never auditioned for–he might be a terrible actor. I understand Landon way more as an adult than I did as a preteen.
20. This might be the only positive thing I’m going to say regarding fashion throughout this entire piece, so know that I like Landon’s denim jacket in this scene.
21. When Jamie asks Landon if it would kill him to try, he replies, “Yes, it would. And I’m too young to die.” Being as my memory wasn’t kind to this movie, I’m surprised by how funny some of these lines are.
22. Which is not to say that this movie doesn’t deserve my memory’s critique, FYI.
23. Jamie has a life goal list and has named Landon #42: Befriend someone you don’t like. Sick. Burn.
24. Don’t worry, the cynic in me is still here, because I cracked up SO HARD when Jamie made “You have to promise not to fall in love with me,” a condition of helping Landon run lines for the play.
25. Mandy Moore’s performance in this movie is one of the worst cases of Earth Angel-ing I’ve ever seen. The official definition of Earth Angel-ing (that I just made up) is the way waifish girls act when their character thinks they’re going to die, which is ethereally wise in a quiet tone, almost as if they’re already a ghost.
26. After Landon is shitty to Jamie and she rejects his apology, he yells “DAMN IT,” in front of her house. There is something so funny about the way her father walks out and looks at him.
27. Jamie’s ambition as listed in the high school yearbook is to witness a miracle.
28. 85% of this soundtrack is Mandy Moore and Switchfoot, the rest of it is made of that West, Gould, and Fitzgerald song and one New Radicals song that isn’t “Get What You Give.” Seriously, there’s one song that’s a duet with Mandy Moore and the lead singer of Switchfoot.
29. Jamie soon gets fashion shade from the audience. “Jamie is dressed like Mary Anne Spier in every scene,” my sister comments.
30. The only line we hear Landon say during the play is, “I’m not gonna sit on my keester and watch all the fat cats get rich.” This is why you don’t let students write your plays, especially ones that take place in the past.
31. Considering her part is that of a lounge singer, I’d love to know why Jamie is wearing a hooded cloak for her stage entrance.
32. Mandy Moore Song Alert #2: during the play, she sings “Only Hope,” which makes Landon fall in love with her on sight.
33. Landon looks really…concerned while she’s singing?
34. “Well, it’s because he’s like ‘WTF, why do I have a boner,’” my sister explains.
35. Landon kisses her after she’s done singing, which, surprise! That is not part of the script. Based on their facial expressions, Jamie’s father and Landon’s ex-girlfriend know that.
36. Landon delivers a pretty sick burn to his father when he says Landon can’t just leave their conversation: “I learned it from you.”
37. OHHHHHHH!
38. To get back into Jamie’s good graces, Landon tells her, “Maybe you inspire me.” Yikes.
39. Props again to Jamie, who has the perfect response: “Sounds like bull.”
40. We get another reminder of the times when Eric puts on Missy Elliot’s “Get Your Freak On” while Landon works on his car.
41. To get revenge on Jamie for Landon being interested in her I guess, Belinda photoshops Jamie’s head on to a scantily clad model’s body with “VIRGIN MARY??” written underneath. This is weak.
42. “Girl, LAUGH AT THEM. THEY ARE SO STUPID,” my sister says, citing the fact that Jamie’s face is in black and white while the rest of it is in color.
43. When Landon punches Dean for the photocopies and rude comments, Dean yells, “WE ARE THROUGH FOREVER.” So dramatic, these Southern boys.
44. On Landon and Jamie’s first date, he brings her to the state line to be in two different places at once and gives her a temporary tattoo to check off two boxes on her life goals list. This is lovely, but do we really think he was paying attention to what she was saying back then?
45. It’s worth noting that Shane West is drunk in the scene where Landon gives Jamie the tattoo.
46. Mandy Moore Song Alert #3: “It’s Gonna Be Love.” This song will now be in my head forever, send help.
47. When Jamie is explaining her faith, she says, “It’s like the wind–I can’t see it, but I can feel it.” All I can think of when I hear this is “She’s Like the Wind” from Dirty Dancing.
48. Uhhh I don’t remember Landon telling her that he loved her at the conclusion of their first date, but I guess there’s a lot of things I don’t remember about this movie.
49. By this point, my sister has started repeating the question, “Why did I love this movie so much?” every three minutes.
50. Jamie’s father loses me when he says, “Jamie, your behavior is sinful.”
51. When Landon spreads a blanket out in the cemetery so they can watch stars, Jamie asks if he’s trying to seduce her. We’ve hit the downhill portion of this movie for sure.
52. HE ACTUALLY PROVIDES A SECOND BLANKET FOR HER.
53. “I watched Once and Again for Shane West too, I bet that was terrible as well,” my sister says, still in the midst of questioning her past taste.
54. When Landon’s mother finds his list of goals, she comments on how difficult these things will be for him. Like, Jesus, I get managing expectations but yikes.
55. When Landon says that Jamie has faith in him, my sister interjects again: “JAMIE HAS FAITH IN EVERYONE.”
56. One major plot hole here is that Jamie has to reveal her leukemia to Landon, but there is NO WAY that the entire small town wouldn’t know that she was sick.
57. “I do not need a reason to be angry with God,” Jamie says, explaining why she’s distressed that she and Landon are in love. We’ve hit the cringe-worthy portion of the show.
58. Landon requests the medical assistance of his father to the dulcet tones of Switchfoot’s “Dare You to Move.”
59. Aaaaand then we find out that Landon’s father is actually a cardiologist?
60. I swear, I thought that Landon punched his father in that scene, but I was very, very wrong.
61. Landon proceeds to place approximately $1000 worth of flowers on Jamie’s doorstep to tell her he’s not going anywhere.
62. Where did he get the money for those?? Watching this as an adult, I’m astounded by the sheer dollar amount represented on that porch.
63. Okay, there’s a genuinely sweet moment where Landon asks his mother to teach him how to dance so he can dance with Jamie.
64. Okay, now back to me having a cold, black heart. Landon starts building her a telescope in her backyard, which is presumably nice, but is also disrupting the rest of a leukemia patient.
65. Jamie gives Landon her mother’s quote notebook. Hey! Do you think maybe your father would appreciate that token so beloved by both his dead wife and dying daughter? No? Okay just me then.
66. I can’t even hear the rest of this scene, because my sister is pretending to throw up over Landon reading aloud from this book.
67. Landon’s father is now paying for Jamie’s home care, so I take back my questioning/mockery of their earlier conversation.
68. However, that won’t stop me from saying that maybe Shane West isn’t the best fake crier out there.
69. An instrumental version of “Only Hope” plays during the scene where Jamie watches the comet through the telescope Landon built her.
70. Nevermind, this is actually a version that is performed by Switchfoot.
71. Seriously, how did Mandy Moore and Switchfoot get nearly the entire soundtrack to themselves? I get that Mandy Moore was in this movie, but what is with all the Switchfoot?
72. Was the person responsible for the arrangement getting a cut of their album sales?
73. Uh, based on my limited knowledge of this film’s source material, the reason Landon asks Jamie to marry him is that getting married in a church full of people and having her father walk her down the aisle is number one on her life goals list. This is never actually discussed in the film.
74. I find it rather lovely that Landon visits Jamie’s father when he gets into med school a few years later.
75. Okay, my snarky self is back because Mr. Sullivan just said that Landon was Jamie’s miracle.
76. The last line of this movie is Landon saying, “Our love is like the wind–I can’t see it, but I can feel it.” I need everyone to stop paraphrasing “She’s Like the Wind,” because now all I want is to watch Dirty Dancing.
77. We close on Mandy Moore Song Alert #4: “Cry,” which continues over the credits.
78. You know what, both Shane West and Mandy Moore look fabulous in the video for this song, so I’m going to leave y’all with this: