‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Four-Play Discussion: Should we love or hate it?

[tps_title]Talking about all of those shades of Grey.[/tps_title]

Gaby: We’ve already touched on him, but what are your thoughts on Christian?

Allyson: Asshole about sums it up for me. LOL. That’s about it.

Jon: The thing that bothered me most about the film was how they basically said that his sexually adventurist tastes are all because of his abusive childhood.

Allyson: Which is an unhealthy message to send out.

Jon: “Fifty shades of fucked up “is the quote he used to describe himself.

Gaby: I feel bad that he comes from a shitty past, but at the same time, his obsessive behavior pisses me off and makes me uncomfortable.

Allyson: A damaged upbringing never excuses abuse… which I think people seem to forget.

Gaby: I feel like he has the potential to be a fascinating character, maybe if they didn’t set him in a romance.

Jon: It’s a terrible message to send, and it’s such an incorrectly stereotyped view on a culture that is less about pain and more about consensual pleasure.

Allyson: Yeah, the BDSM culture is about painful pleasure sure, but there’s also a strong emphasis on things like After Care and making sure the Sub is comfortable and feels safe, which looks like it’s glossed over.

Melissa: So, do all people in the community not come from a painful past? Wouldn’t BDSM be cathartic for them?

Allyson: I’m sure there are some.

Jon: I’m part of the community, and I’m not from a broken home or painful past, just like all of my friends who are also part of the community.

Allyson: But sex is usually far removed from how you grow up. It’s based on your personality and what you enjoy. It’s like all sex; it’s about what you enjoy.

Jon: It’s about sexual exploration, and finding new things you enjoy. You will encounter things you might not, so you know never to do them again.

Melissa: And that’s what Ana was doing since she has no experience…

Jon: But it’s all about creating a safe environment to try them. But she has had no sexual experience to begin with. You usually go into these things knowing some things you want to try, based on your past experience. Like, “Oh, I like it when this part of my body is stimulated, maybe I’ll like trying this.”

Allyson: Yeah, it’s not just loss of virginity straight to hand cuffs. LOL

Gaby: I think the problem with this relationship is that it wasn’t entirely BDSM or entirely vanilla, and you’re dealing with a virgin, who seems not know better or what exactly she’s getting herself into.

Melissa: But she did that with the contract. She said what she did want and didn’t want.

Jon: She didn’t even know what a butt plug was, and I think the description is in the name. LOL

Gaby: It’s basically the fact that she walks into the room, not sure what to expect, and it’s going to happen to her.

Jon: Then, she basically let him continue without her expressed written consent.

Allyson: I think she didn’t truly know what she was getting into. It was a basic trope of a woman being sexually uneducated and a man coming and enlightening her.

Gaby: It’s just most people wouldn’t be so easy to trust someone with that kind of power. So it’s hard to imagine after such a short amount of time, she trusts him.

Jon: It may have been her decision, but it was a terrible one at that, and it sends the wrong message.

Melissa: But you said it, it was HER decision.

Jon: Yeah, but she was basing it on no previous knowledge and probably without fully understanding it, which does not equal consent in my opinion.

Gaby: Not everyone is smart enough to realize that they shouldn’t emulate what they see in movies or TV. I think that’s why people are saying that Ana, who is the main character in such a big popular movie, is making a bad decision. Because others might think they can enter that same kind of relationship and have the same outcome.

Allyson: Especially since the readership is so primarily female. Women already are stigmatized when they’re in abusive relationships that aren’t obviously abusive.

Gaby: Whether we like the movie or not, we all know not to go into something like this blind and trusting. It doesn’t work like that in the real world, unfortunately. It’s proven that people tend to mimic what they see and hear on media.