Jurassic World Dominion’s post-credits scene is a lot like your social life. It doesn’t have one.

Jurassic World Dominion is roaring into theaters this weekend, and you only have one question. Can I just leave? And don’t play games, we both know you aren’t reading the credits, even though you should out of respect. No, you’re just wondering if prolonging your bathroom break is worth it because, I don’t know, William H. Macy might pop out of a bush and say “let’s begin” or “that’s interesting” or whatever the park.

But no, Jurassic World Dominion just ends. There’s no post-credits scene. That’s right, you didn’t have to scroll six paragraphs of me writing the synopsis for no good reason beyond achieving an arbitrary SEO requirement. About as arbitrary as the Jurassic Park franchise still pumping out movies, anyway.

You’re still here? Wild. I have to hit a certain content length, so I can’t leave just yet. You’re free from this prison, I’m not. Hold on, I have to say Jurassic World Dominion again for SEO vibes. Speaking of Jurassic World Dominion, what a movie Jurassic World Dominion was. You know, you just saw it, I’m assuming.

I already answered the question. Jurassic World Dominion doesn’t have a post-credits scene. Yet you’re still here.

I can’t stress enough that a post-credits scene would’ve been pointless, since…yeah, like what else needs to be said? It’s Jurassic World Dominion. They already did all the nostalgia-baiting a single movie can contain, what’s left of our souls for them to drain?

That’s an image of Bryce Dallas Howard in Jurassic World Dominion, by the way. Why? Because successive paragraphs of text make people nervous. And they don’t need that, not on the release day of Jurassic World Dominion.

But no, there’s no post-credits scene in Jurassic World Dominion. Or the mid-credits, either. Probably the nicest thing the movie did for the fans, though that’s not saying much. All right, I’m being a little harsh on Jurassic World Dominion, but it’s not like I hated it or anything.

You could just get up from your seat. Or text a loved one you haven’t reached out to in a while.

I had a good time watching the movie, overall. Did people have high expectations? I did see the trailer for the first time today (here it is for reference and sweet, sweet SEO) and I can see why some people thought they were getting an “epic conclusion,” since they literally say that in the marketing.

And hey, sure, it’s conclusive. Just maybe not in the way they intended. It’s conclusive in the sense that I doubt anyone’s going to be chomping for more of these characters anytime soon. The dinosaurs? Hell yeah, keep ’em coming. Owen Grady? Er, pass. I think we got it.

Let me say at least this about Jurassic World Dominion. Colin Trevorrow certainly directed it. He put more effort into it than I put into this article about Jurassic World Dominion‘s post-credits scene. So what gives me the right to talk smack? Plenty of things, actually, like the fact that I sat through the movie. That took effort. Sorry, I’m just being a big old goof, it’s really not that bad. I had fun. There were dinosaurs in it.

Almost done wasting your time.

Before you ask, yes we do have a review coming soon for it. I won’t spoil who’s writing it in case he bails. Wouldn’t blame him. For now, you can read Brian Thompson’s review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Might be fun in hindsight, plus you can stay in the theater and see for yourself if I’m lying about the post-credits scene. Maybe I am (I’m not).

Jurassic World Dominion opens in theaters June 10. Obviously. Not sure why I’m telling you of all people. Get home safe.

Advertisement