TV Review: The Royals (1×06) “The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune”


Eleanor, Liam, Ophelia, Ashok (who else thought his name was Asher for several weeks? COOL ME NEITHER), Gemma, and a variety of others head to Monaco for a weekend of leisurely debauchery that ends up being not too leisurely or debaucherous.

Eleanor, Beck, and the Amazing Disappearing Diplomatic Bag

“You might find a loaded firearm, several sex toys, innumerable drugs, including but not limited, to a pound of marijuana, a brick of cocaine, ecstasy, Adderall, Ambien. But like I said: you’re not allowed to look in there,” Eleanor says, taunting security officials to open this week’s episode. At the villa, the bag goes missing, and Eleanor’s searches bring her face-to-face with her childhood sweetheart Beck.

Liam asked Beck to fly in, hoping to lift Eleanor’s spirits. Beck asserts that no matter how much debauchery and darkness Eleanor shrouds herself in, she can’t diminish the light that he sees in her. Later, Eleanor abruptly leaves after they kiss in the pool. Besides Eleanor’s evasiveness about them, there’s an intimacy and oddly, an innocence to their relationship that is very different from that of Eleanor and Jasper.

Elanor1Eleanor2On the plane home, Eleanor reveals why she’s so cagey about their relationship by saying, “She doesn’t love you like I do.” The “she” in question is his wife and she wants to give their marriage another shot. And that’s it. WRITERS: I want to know what’s happening. Please elaborate in the next episode, thank you. Beck asks her to start showing the quiet, thoughtful girl he knows to the press, rather than the party girl persona she exhibits normally. Eleanor isn’t quite ready for that yet.

Troubled Waters for the King and Queen

King Simon finally returns from Toronto! The Royal couple has a brisk conversation about the fact that they actually used to enjoy being married to one another, or at least that’s what I took away from it.

When Jasper requests a transfer, Helena reassigns him to herself. Ted warns Jasper that he’s in a more precarious position now, warning him that if Eleanor refutes the terms of his transfer, he’ll be tried for treason. He also gives the tip that Helena is threatened by her daughter’s youth and attractiveness. Obviously, Jasper ends up sleeping with her that night. Simon, holding flowers for his wife, catches Jasper walking out of the Queen’s bedroom while buttoning his shirt.

Ashok And The Car

Ashok’s father gave him a brand new car for making honors at college, which Gemma proceeds to gamble away to some sexist dude at the casino. However, she has a plan to get it back: “You have something I want. I have something you want. Sex. VIRGIN sex,” Gemma says, offering up one of the tacky redhead cousins. Sexist Dude declines, so Liam challenges him to a game of skill: 501, in which the first player to get 501 points on the dart board without going over wins.

Liam wins, but Sexist Dude goes back on the deal, claiming that he’s keeping the car anyway. Ophelia doesn’t stand for it: “I was raised in America, where they decided that guns are bad but a bow and arrow are honorable,” she says, wielding said bow and arrow. Sexist Dude relinquishes the keys, taking his leave. Ophelia then accidentally shoots Ashok in the leg.

Double-O Prudence

Cyrus demands that Prudence follow the King that night, holding the jail threat over her head. Prudence finds Simon by the water, where he laments the downfall of interpersonal communication. Prudence believes most people are good and are just trapped by circumstance. Simon affirms that she’s a good person and that he wants to help with whatever is bothering her. How I wish she would tell him so he could excommunicate Cyrus or something! Simon’s kind words give Prudence the courage to throw Cyrus’s threats back in his face. After all, the monarchy needs to look good right now, and Prudence could really tarnish the shine on that one.


  • Liam Fires Marcus For the Weekend
    I love how much Liam values Marcus’s friendship.
  • Ted Knows What’s Up
    Ted knows Jasper isn’t who he says he is, but according to him, “everyone deserves a chance to rewrite their history”. He warns about Helena’s high security clearance and that she’ll probably find out about his secrets. Woah, Ted is, like, the best. Why doesn’t he get more screen time? Petition to give Cyrus’s screen time to Ted.
  • Gemma and Eleanor Find Common Ground
    This was one of the most interesting parts of the episode for me—I loved that Gemma chose to open up to Eleanor about Ophelia and Liam. “I told her I could be her but she can’t be me. But I can’t be her, I haven’t been her in years…do you remember the last time you weren’t just the girl they were trying to sleep with?” I want good things for Gemma in the future, but I don’t know if we’re going to see that.


  • Helena’s Icky Affair
    No one should make the King of England sad like that. Her affair with Alistair has a purpose, her banging Jasper is depressing.
  • Gemma’s (Possibly) Impending Downward Spiral
    I don’t want the situation with Liam to throw Gemma off her game. Let’s have her do some soul searching, the move on being fabulous without marrying into the monarchy.

There was a good amount of ridiculous antics and serious emotional developments in this episode of The Royals—I felt like you could really see Mark Schwann’s hand in this one, specifically when looking at the emotional development of Eleanor’s and Gemma’s characters; it harkened back to One Tree Hill’s Brooke Davis, in my opinion.

Episode Rating: 7/10

Bri is a 25-year-old born and raised in the swamps of Jersey. Just kidding, she lives at least twenty minutes from those swamps. She’s a publishing professional that moonlights as a writer. She enjoys going to concerts (anything from Rooney to Springsteen to NKOTBSB), roadtripping, and complaining that she truly belongs in the 1950’s, the 1920′s, or the 1980′s depending on her mood. She definitely owns more books than she should and reads every chance she gets. If you stop hearing from her, it’s because the book piles have fallen over and smothered her to death in the night. You can contact her at Twitter: @bri_lockhart