Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse: Review

As I walked out the theater I thought to myself, “wouldn’t it be cool to be a scout or do cool shit like in the film,” Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse. But as I continued to think about it, I realized one of two things:

  1. I’m 21 years of age, so I think it’s too late become a scout.
  2. Zombies don’t exist, or so I believe as of now.

And yet, if they did, the gratuitous violence wouldn’t be as entertaining as the movie somewhat makes it out to be.

The titular characters are played by Tye Sheridan, Joey Morgan, and Logan Miller. Since the beginning only Tye and Joey make a lasting, if even that, impression. Logan’s character is foul mouthed and typical.

In a film like this, the direction could have been approached with more satire and less gross out humor. If you’re hanging on for your life and if what you’re holding is an old-zombie’s penis, maybe cutting it there could have been smarter then having it get ripped off as Ben falls to the trampoline so he can make it across the fence. I’ve seen more fear in a castration in Hard Candy. I felt bad for Sheridan, I really did. Nobody deserves a gag like that.

The film is centered on the comradery between the three friends and the one stripper; I mean a cocktail waitress who knows how to use a shotgun. In life what everyone needs is a little convenience, and I think this film is bloated with such. Also swiftness. If I were able to put on a spare as fast as they did, I’d be in heaven. The film also has moderately quick pacing with all the nonsense going around it. But it’s all of this that had me on and off the first two acts.

There are moments where the film is funny, not holding your stomach and ho-ho-ho-ing funny, but funny nonetheless. Though what I can say killed the humor’s gauge in effectiveness is the gratuitous language coming from Logan, with bitch here and bitch there, and bitch this or bitch that; it gets tiring.

Tye Sheridan keeps his consistent streak of giving good performances, but with a script so middling in it’s own world, the dialogue gives him no justice. But a part of me wishes I could high-five him for being such a player. Denise, the waitress, definitely had the idea as she noticed, Ben scouting her ass.

They kiss… pervert.

It’s off putting how it leads itself to a grave, full of dug up bones. Nothing is really new in this that I haven’t seen before, except for scouts and zombie cats. Zombie cats are scary, despite what the film makes it to be. Don’t trust them!

I’m sorry I was sidetracked at the end…

…But in fact the first two acts have an excessive amount of campy violence that it gets overblown to become nothing more then a distraction.

The characters develop very typically and when it comes to having them make amends, I really didn’t care… But the zombie fight scene it was placed in was super badass, so I guess I have that going for me. Not only was the campy splatter very fun looking and natural for any zombie-like Mexican standoff; it was very cool.

These scouts made a bow & arrow out of a ruler, a power stapler, and big ass nails. Personally this is the kind of stuff they should teach kids in self-defense. This is the kind of coolness the movie lacked as it took them the first two acts to do this. Remember kids bullets are limited.

Despite all these aspirations, I gotta say, the movie was bad. Not horribly bad, just bad. When it hits, it hits, but more often then none the film misses the bulls-eye. Even with a recurring gag of Carter getting all the blood splatter on him. It didn’t bring anything new to the table and I feel like it is just more rehash with a different backstory and setting.


Kevin Montes is one sarcastically satirical dude. He’s usually at home watching hours of comedy and television, primarily Simpsons. Kevin aspires to be a TV writer, a joke writer, and composer for all things Harmony Korine. You can reach him on twitter @iamkevinmontes to further ask about all things Simpsons.